In a very sad event to India, External Affairs Minister Salman Khurshid hospitalised in AIIMS Delhi after he faced a serious digestion problem. The minister could not digest his meal for past 15 days. While the condition of Khurshid is now stable, Doctors asked him to control the binging of Fevicol.

"We found 6 liters of Fevicol in his body which was restraining him from digesting meal," said Dr. Ahuja who is treating Khurshid.

He said "Salman Khurshid used to consume a lot of adhesive on daily basis to improve the relationship with other nations, including neighbor countries. He believes in long-lasting relationship. However, due to his continuous and unrestrained lust for sweet Fevicol he crossed the recommended level for eating adhesives. A Foreign Minister is allowed to consume only 3 liters of Fevicol in 5 years. But this guy is a Rocket he drank double the recommended quantity in just 1 year. Boss, just can't see his underwear over his pant otherwise I would have called him Superman."

According to sources, every foreign minister of India consumes Fevicol (popular adhesive in India) which helps him improving stickiness in the relationship with other nations, particularly with neighboring countries. The sources also told that since joining the office Khurshid was greedier towards the adhesive leading to a serious systemic failure in his body.

 "His stomach was full of unwanted sticky Fevicol and we had to take loads of efforts to remove it. Now his condition is stable," said Doctor.

Khurshid is considered as most neighbor friendly foreign minister. He always tried to improve bilateral ties and focused on long lasting relationship with the nations. Recently he was planning to visit China for improving ties with the neighbor. However, China canceled his visa twice for no reason.

"I want to sit together with China and improve ties with them. I don't concern whether they are in 10-14 kms of Indian boundary. My concern is how to get into long-lasting relationship with them. For that I am ready to book a birth for them in Delhi too," told Salman Khurshid last week in a press conference.

Khurshid earlier used this strategy with Pakistan's Interior Minister Rehman Malik who visited India after Pakistani Military beheaded Indian Jawans and mutilated their bodies. Salman Khurshid met Malik hugged him closely and hanged with him outdoors for a beautiful romantic candlelight dinner.

Indian Government has decided to outsource all the internal and external security matters from private players on urgent basis. The decision has been viewed as major reform in the security sector in India, which has been felt to be overhauled by various sections of the society after disaster in handling issues like rape, relationship with Italy, China and Pakistan.

"Boss it is fuckingly irritating. Providing security to Indians is not our job. Are we fucking security guards?" asked Salman Khurshid, India's External Affairs Minister.

He said "Our job is to improve bilateral ties with our neighbors and open up more and more sectors for foreign investments. Guys, if we keep on hanging on the security, corruption and paltry rape kind of issues how can we deliver in terms of growth and economic development. Security matters should be privatized and as earlier PM Manmohan Singh said should be localized. Let the local private players in partnership with foreign entities handle the issues."

According to sources, in a recent Chintan Meeting of Congress Party High Command decided to focus on promising to deliver rather than actual delivery, as that would be a major kicker in the upcoming elections. However, the meeting also concluded that till the time the government gets rid of unnecessary issues like rape, Chinese incursion, Italian marines and relation with Pakistan, focus on real issues such as poll will hardly come. Therefore, Party high command decided to outsource security matters to private players and focus on attracting more and more voters to vote in the next elections.

"Our first draft for 100% Privatization of Indian Security is ready and we expect that in Winter Session of Parliament, the government will present the bill," said Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde.